DEAR ABBY:I dated a man, “Barry”, who worked with my younger brother. They had an altercation at work and Barry was fired for misconduct.
My brother, “Rob,” is mad at me because I still see him.
Barry reached out to Rob to apologize and see if they could move on. While my brother has forgiven Barry, he has chosen to no longer have contact with him and continues to want to control the narrative.
Am I wrong to oppose my brother and continue the relationship? I have been in abusive relationships before that Rob didn’t care about. But when it comes to him, he lets me know he is “disappointed” or concerned for my well-being.
I set boundaries with both of them. This altercation was between them, not with me.
— TORN IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR TORN:The altercation between your brother and Barry must have been terrible for him to lose his job.
You mentioned that you have been in “previous abusive relationships,” which makes me think that your choice of man may be somewhat biased. Barry may have anger management issues that need to be addressed.
Like it or not, your brother is right that Barry could be dangerous. The altercation may have happened between them, but what’s to stop your boyfriend’s volatile temper from unleashing itself on you? Your relationship with Barry could be dangerous to your health, which is why I encourage you to move on and find someone more stable.
DEAR ABBY:I am in a loving relationship with my wife, who is 10 years older than me.
Last year we discussed it and she decided to retire. She is 63 years old and has worked all her life.
We weren’t 100% financially prepared for the change, but I’m happy to see her happy, enjoying time with her grandchildren and doing other things.
The problem is, she gets bored sometimes. When she gets bored, she spends money and does things I don’t like, like go camping. I still work full time and spend my weekends at home relaxing.
I think it would be helpful if she got a part-time job. I suggested she do so, but she becomes hostile and asks me if I think she is wasting her time. The conversation becomes uncomfortable.
Any suggestions on what I can say to not upset her while helping her realize that she could find something else to keep her busy and contribute financially?
— TRYING TO KEEP UP IN ARIZONA
DEAR TEST:Tell your wife that you are happy that she is enjoying her retirement, but that you are still fully employed. Then remind her that when she decided to leave the workforce, you were not fully prepared financially for this situation.
Explain to him that right now you need the weekends to rest, not to go camping, which is one of your least favorite activities.
And while you’re at it, mention that you know she loves shopping and that a part-time job would give her more money to do so.
I don’t think any of these statements are inflammatory.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
