DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter will be getting married in about six months, in a destination wedding, about 90 minutes from our town.
My husband and I told him we would help him financially and we have made a significant contribution so far.
She and her fiancé also have to cover part of the costs. The groom’s parents do not contribute anything to the reception.
My daughter doesn’t share the same label as me on certain things. She was hesitant that we wanted to invite seven friends, but then I found out that she had invited about 40 more guests than originally planned. She will give a plus one to all her guests, but was reluctant to do the same for her aunt.
In our area, wedding receptions include an open bar, but she told me they will only have an open bar for three hours and during the last hour of the reception, guests will have to pay for drinks .
We offered to pay for the extra hour because we think you should provide for your guests, especially if you’re asking people to travel out of town for your wedding (and potentially expect them to pay overnight accommodation).
She won’t hear about it. Their logic for not having an open bar for the entire evening is that the groom has a friend who might drink too much. (Don’t invite him?)
We feel a lot of frustration because she doesn’t accept any suggestions from us and feels like she knows everything.
Another relative did this to her parents: she insisted she knew everything, then ran out of wine right after dinner. Our daughter told us she would not repeat this behavior, but she shows all the signs of this behavior.
Am I out of touch or out of line by wanting to offer an open bar to guests? I consider this a courtesy, and if we are willing to pay the extra $7 per person, it is worth it.
GENTLE READER: Just because someone pays for a wedding doesn’t mean their decisions should dominate, Miss Manners often said. But that’s just because they’re the parents.
Your daughter’s rejection of your generosity is disconcerting. And his logic that the drunk friend will drink less during the hour he has to pay for is even more true.
If your daughter is truly concerned about this gentleman’s well-being, suggest that they close the bar and stop the party altogether after three o’clock.
Faced with the prospect of ending the festivities early, Miss Manners is almost certain she will return.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
