A flood of texts

Q: Last spring, I quit a job that fit my career needs at the time. I left and everything went well. Thumbs up. I got the cake, the party, the lunch. My supervisor hugged me on my last day and my coworkers helped me get my pictures out to my car. I was offered a promotion at a new company, so I took it. I became friends, or friendly, with 5 or 6 other sales reps on my team. We went to lunch together and for one of them, I even went to her wedding. Someone from another department at my old company keeps contacting me. She is not one of the 6 people on my old team who are now friends. I have only seen her in the restroom or in the hallways. Let’s call her Beth. She keeps trying to contact me. I don’t know how she got my cell number, but she has it. Beth is sending me event invites, friend requests, and has even called me to ask me to lunch. Beth lives about 20 minutes from my new office. I think she has a hybrid schedule, so she works from home a few days a week. This is getting weird. I don’t want to be mean, but I also don’t want her to show up at my desk or keep messaging me.

A: Relationships that develop in the workplace can be challenging. Sometimes romantic relationships start in the office. Sometimes lasting friendships are formed while working on a challenging client project and spending a lot of time together. Sometimes an employee hopes for more than a professional relationship while others subscribe to the principle of “my coworker doesn’t have to be my best friend, but I do have to work with him or her in a supportive and caring way.” It sounds like your situation falls into the latter category.

I think you need to send a clear message to your former colleague, in a professional but direct manner. You could send her a text message in response to one of her messages. A possible message could be:

Beth, I have received several text messages from you. I know we have a nice relationship when we pass each other in the hallways, but it is getting awkward to receive multiple text messages from you. Honestly, it is a little overwhelming. I wish you the best at ABC Company. Thank you for your understanding, Maria

The tone of this response is both professional and kind, and you have asked her to stop contacting you. If she continues to text you, you may need to use stronger language or block her. If you ever feel like she is crossing the line and continues to contact you, you may need to take additional steps. I don’t know if your current employer has security, you can contact them. If she has been in your office, that may be crossing the line. Also, if you ever find out that she has been visiting your building or home, you may want to call the police. In 2024, it is easy to find someone’s address online. If I found out that someone like Beth had been approaching my house, I would call the police. I don’t know if you have cameras outside your apartment or house. Ultimately, it is your decision, but you may want to think about it.

I would keep your text messages, and possibly screenshots of your messages. You may need those screenshots if this behavior continues. If there is evidence of him on cameras, at your home or work, it would be important to save that information as well.