DEAR HARRIETTE: I am facing a situation with my 16 year old niece, who is in a relationship with a 19 year old boy from our neighborhood.
I am deeply concerned because this boy has a reputation for being a bad influence and I fear that my niece will be negatively affected by this relationship.
My niece is currently living with me after the death of her grandmother, who was her primary guardian. His parents are alcoholics; they are violent and neglectful, which made his upbringing particularly difficult.
Given her troubled past and lack of stable, supportive figures in her life, I can’t help but wonder if these factors influence her attraction to someone who might not be good for her. Despite my attempts to discuss my concerns with her, she seems attached to him and ignores my concerns.
I want to protect her from potentially dangerous choices, but I don’t want to drive a wedge between us. How can I approach this situation thoughtfully while taking into account his difficult past?
— Niece on hand
DEAR HANDSOME NIECE: Tread lightly. Your niece is at the age where no matter what you say, she may do the opposite.
You can’t force her to let this man go. Instead, invite her to talk about values. Ask her what she wants for her life. Suggest she think about the qualities she looks for in a partner.
Ask her to tell you what she likes about this man. Ask her if there is anything she doesn’t like.
Finally, because she is in a relationship, offer to take her to the doctor for a complete examination and contraception. Protect her in every way possible, including against pregnancy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Four friends and I went on vacation to Japan last month. During the trip, I covered several expenses with verbal confirmation that my friends would reimburse me upon our return.
However, now that we’re home and it’s already been a month, I’m having a hard time asking them for the money they owe me because they claim they thought I was generously covering the bill.
I feel uncomfortable talking about it again because I don’t want to seem petty or create tension, especially since the amount isn’t that large. However, I’m starting to wonder if I’m hanging out with the wrong crowd and if small bills lead to these kinds of misunderstandings.
I tried subtly reminding them about the refund, but that resulted in no action. What would be the wise next step?
— Vacation bills
EXPENSIVE HOLIDAY BILLS: Stop being shy about it and talk about it.
Tell your friends that you clearly remember offering to pay for things on vacation assuming they would pay you back. Their memory is incorrect. Be clear: It’s time to settle this debt.
Ask them for the amount owed. If they refuse to pay, you don’t have to end your friendship, but you do have to stop paying for them.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative aimed at helping people access and achieve their dreams. You can send questions to Askharriette@harriettecole.com or to Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
