Cackling Garry Kasparov Wins Another Chess Match Against Roomba

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NEW YORK—Rejoicing over his latest triumph, renowned grandmaster and political activist Garry Kasparov reportedly cackled Thursday upon winning yet another chess match against the Roomba that cleans his Upper West Side apartment. “And checkmate! You’ve been foiled again, my dear fellow,” the former world chess champion said after his fifth straight win against the cleaning robot, which accidentally knocked several of its own pieces off the board and was outwitted numerous times by its human opponent throwing bread crumbs on the floor to distract it. “Even though you resorted to cheating and vacuumed up my Queen, I have triumphed once more! I guess robots aren’t so smart after all. But if you keep practicing, and focus more on strategy instead of just scattering pieces all over the room, you could still pull out of this losing streak.” According to sources, Kasparov became dejected when the Roomba’s battery died midway through the next game, but his spirits recovered following his decision to challenge the KitchenAid mixer to a long-awaited rematch.