DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent an SMS to invite an 80 year old family friend who is very dear to us, and very kind and humble.
I received a response, but it was not a response to my invitation. Rather, it was a very personal and sensitive message to someone else.
I don’t know if she realized her mistake, and I’m hesitant to tell her, because I don’t want to embarrass her. However, if I don’t tell her, she may continue to believe she sent it to the right person.
Should I tell her what happened or let her find out for herself?
GENTLE READER: How would she do this without also discovering that she had mistakenly sent her reply to your message to someone else? And then torture yourself by wondering who this person was?
Miss Manners suggests that you tell her what happened instead. And then, while she’s regaining her composure, follow up quickly to tell her that you still hope she can attend your event.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A close friend was planning a party themed around a pop culture phenomenon that she’s passionate about, but that I’m not interested in (and in fact, I don’t like at all).
I initially refused to attend, but when his guest list became too long for the planned venue, I agreed to allow him to use my larger house for it.
I was thinking of doing other plans that evening, but most of the participants are my good friends and I would love to see them before/after the main activity.
Is it rude to half-participate in a party if it’s at my house?
GENTLE READER: Since you’re the de facto host, why not just keep yourself busy during this time, doing host things?
Any implication that you hate the phenomenon that everyone has rallied around will not be met with kindness. Miss Manners instead suggests going out leisurely to “refresh the bar” and “replenish the food” – even if it takes the exact duration of the event.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I don’t eat out often, but when we do, we like to go to a nice restaurant and usually have a bottle of wine.
What annoys us is when the waiter comes by frequently to refill our glasses (often when they are still almost full). Not only does it interrupt our conversation, but it also feels like they’re trying to get us to finish the bottle faster.
What’s the best way to let them know that we prefer to serve our wine ourselves?
GENTLE READER: Place your hand on your glass and politely say, “Thank you.” I’m not quite finished with this glass and we don’t want to bother you, so we can pour the rest ourselves.
Miss Manners will join you in hoping that the waiter doesn’t react badly to being criticized for simply doing his job – for example, by continuing to pour on your hand.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
