DEAR HARRIETTE:My sister recently had a baby, and while I’m happy for her, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of jealousy.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 10 years and it is a huge milestone that we have been dreaming of achieving. Seeing my sister achieve it so easily—especially since she is five years younger than me—has been incredibly difficult to deal with emotionally.
Her baby is one month old and I have done everything I can to avoid visiting her. The thought of being by her side with her newborn fills me with a mixture of sadness, jealousy and guilt. I feel like a terrible sister for not being able to celebrate this event with her.
My heart aches every time I think about her living the life I prayed for, and I am consumed with feelings of inadequacy and resentment.
I’m afraid that my avoidance and emotional distance will hurt her, but I don’t know how to be with her without breaking down. I want to be a loving and supportive sister, but the pain of my own unfulfilled dreams makes it incredibly difficult.
How can I explain my feelings to her without making her feel guilty or overwhelmed by my difficulties?
– Envious
DEAR ENVIOUS: Even if it’s difficult, make the effort to go see your sister and meet the baby.
Your sister’s hormones are raging and she’s probably emotional herself. Just being there for her, even for a short time, will assure her that you love her and are happy for her.
If she asks why it took you so long to come visit, or if she asks you what’s going on, admit that her having a baby has triggered a lot of mixed feelings in you. Tell her that you don’t mean to be jealous or sad, but that you’re doing it because you’ve been trying to conceive for so long; you’re genuinely happy for her and uncontrollably sad for yourself right now.
Apologize for not being able to control your emotions. Assure her that you are happy for her.
You may want to consult a counselor for strategies on how to move forward.
DEAR HARRIETTE:I started working from home as a freelance graphic designer for online second-hand clothing stores during the pandemic.
While I enjoy the flexibility, I struggle with loneliness and lack of social interaction.
Most of the time I feel isolated and unmotivated, even though I spend time with my boyfriend every weekend.
How can I maintain a sense of connection and stay motivated in my work from home, especially considering that I only recently started this remote work arrangement? I would appreciate any advice on balancing solitude and social interaction, especially since my job requires long hours in front of the computer.
— Solitude Canvas
DEAR CANVAS OF SOLITUDE:Join a professional organization or other activity that gets you out of the house regularly. Consider renting a desk in a coworking space so you can hang out with other people. Arrange to have lunch or dinner with friends twice a week.
In other words, create opportunities to be around other people regularly.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative dedicated to helping people access and make their dreams come true. Questions can be directed to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
