DEAR ABBY: When I was young and even when I grew up, my father touched me inappropriately. It made me feel uncomfortable even as an adult. I feel like when I was very little, something more may have happened. I may have been drugged to keep me from remembering. I know that strange things happened and my mother knew about it. I always felt uncomfortable around her. However, I loved my parents very much. I have very strange dreams in which they do things to me that I don’t like.
I’ve been to therapy before, but not necessarily about this topic. I know I was my dad’s favorite child because I was always nice, more so than my sister.
Our parents have both been dead for many years. I don’t want to think bad things about them, but I would like to know for sure what happened. Do you have any advice for me? I hate myself for thinking bad things about the parents I loved so much. They were good to me and my sister during my childhood.– NEED FOR CLARITY IN ALABAMA
DEAR NEED FOR CLARITY: The first person you should talk to is your sister, who has always been “less nice” to your father than you have been. That might help. However, if not, talk to a licensed psychotherapist about your persistent nightmares. This won’t be the first time a therapist has heard a story like this, and you deserve some peace of mind.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law has taken my son away from his sister. It’s gotten so bad that he doesn’t want me to tell him anything about her or her family anymore, and I’m not supposed to tell my daughter anything about her family.
I am old and I don’t need this. I love my son and I really loved my daughter-in-law, but she has changed. My son doesn’t do anything without asking her first.
I only have one son and one daughter, and I am troubled by the thought that after I die, they will no longer be able to get along. My daughter recently had a kidney removed due to cancer, but my daughter-in-law claims she never had cancer. My daughter-in-law has multiple sclerosis and has a very negative outlook on life.
She can still walk, drive and she was very lucky. Please help me. I love them all and I am so upset. What can I do about this? — SAD MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR MOM: There is nothing you can do about this sad situation. Your daughter-in-law’s refusal to operate on your daughter’s cancer could easily be overcome if your daughter would show her brother her medical records.
For whatever reason, your daughter-in-law has decided that all of her husband’s attention should be directed toward her (and her own illness) rather than toward her sister. All you can do at this point and beyond is see your children separately, as often as possible, and hope that they both remain safe, healthy, and close to you for as long as they are with you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
