DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m planning my wedding, and as part of that, I’ve always dreamed of having a bachelorette party with my closest friends in Italy.
However, my bridesmaids, who I thought would be as excited as I was, expressed concerns about the trip. Many of them said it was just too expensive and with the cost of flights, accommodation and expenses while we were there it just wasn’t realistic for them.
I understand that Italy is in high demand and that people have different financial situations, but I can’t help but be disappointed.
I would cover some of the costs if I could, but with all the expenses of the wedding, I’m not sure I could do much more than I already do to help.
Some of my friends have even suggested I do something local or more affordable, but it doesn’t seem the same to me. I don’t want them to feel pressured or guilty, but I also don’t want to give up on my dream trip.
How can I handle this without making my friends uncomfortable or feeling like I’m pushing them into something they can’t afford? Should I abandon the Italy trip and compromise, or is there a way to make sure everyone can feel included without the financial pressure?
— Single dreams
DEAR BACHELORETTE DREAMS: You don’t have to give up on the idea of taking a trip to Italy, but it looks like you won’t be able to do it with your bridesmaids.
They made it clear to you that they couldn’t afford to go, and you realized that you couldn’t afford their trip. So abandon this plan. Now focus on other options.
Can Italy be your honeymoon destination? Maybe you and your spouse can enjoy the experiences you wanted for you and your girlfriends.
Maybe you could talk to your friends about planning a girlfriends trip once you’re married and everyone has recovered financially from the wedding expenses. A delayed international getaway can still be fun.
Be aware that your wedding will likely cost your bridal party more than they can already afford. Just like it’s expensive for you, a wedding comes with many costs that aren’t part of a person’s normal budget.
Be sensitive to what you already require of your bridesmaids. Take a breath and redefine your vision for this journey.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Bea” is popular, and I am not. She’s a cheerleader and one of the popular kids, while I’m just a normal student who fell deeply in love with her.
My parents told me not to take it seriously and to focus on my studies, but I can’t help but feel the way I feel. I’m constantly jealous when I watch her with others, knowing she doesn’t feel the same way about me.
The more I try to put these feelings aside, the stronger they seem to become. I feel lost and don’t know what to do with my emotions.
Should I let go and move on, or continue to hope that one day she will see me for who I am?
— Unrequited love
DEAR UNREPORTED LOVE:Lick your wounds and move on. There’s no point waiting for Bea. At this point in her life, she doesn’t see you the way you see her.
Cast your gaze elsewhere to feel whole. Find new friends and live your life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative aimed at helping people access and achieve their dreams. You can send questions to Askharriette@harriettecole.com or to Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
