DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been fighting with my sister over her behavior towards me and my family for years, and it has reached a breaking point.
I have two daughters, ages 7 and 9, and every time their aunt comes to visit, I feel frustrated and upset.
My sister has a habit of using foul language, making inappropriate jokes, and displaying poor manners, even when I have repeatedly asked her to tone down her tone around the children.
What makes it even harder is that my daughters love their aunt. They admire him and his behavior begins to rub off on them. I have noticed that my daughters repeat certain terms they use or imitate her attitude, which creates problems at home and at school.
I’ve tried to explain this to my sister, but she brushes me off saying I’m tense or overreacting.
I don’t want to exclude my sister from our lives, but I have difficulty setting boundaries that she will respect. She doesn’t seem to understand how important it is for me to create a positive and respectful environment for my children, and this creates a lot of tension between us.
How can we approach this situation without it turning into yet another fight?
— Rough mouth
DEAR FALSE MOUTH: Put your foot down and tell your sister that she can’t spend time with your daughters unless she curbs insulting and disrespectful behavior. Period.
Tell him that your children have started imitating him and that this is causing behavior problems at school and at home. Be prepared to carry out your threat. If she misbehaves the next time you’re together, shut the door on her for a while.
I had to establish a no-cussing rule in our house when my daughter was little. A close friend of ours was constantly swearing and I gave him an ultimatum. In his case, he obeyed. Sometimes people do. Otherwise, continue.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I recently decided to take a big step in our relationship by moving in together, but it was nothing short of a disaster.
We’ve only been living together for three months and it feels like all we do is fight. Arguments are constant and range from big questions to small disagreements. One of the recurring themes is his inability to clean up after himself. This drives me crazy and I started to resent him.
It has become clear to both of us that this relationship is not working. We have become distant and frustrated, and neither of us seems happy. The problem is, we signed a one-year lease together, and breaking it would be a financial nightmare.
We live in New York, and as you can imagine, finding affordable housing here is difficult. None of us want to get stuck in this situation, but we don’t know how to get out of it without making things worse.
I feel stuck in a lifestyle with someone I no longer see a future with, and it creates a tense and emotionally draining environment.
Is there a way to make things more bearable while we figure out our next steps?
—Slob
DEAR SLOB: Agree on terms of coexistence as roommates that include basic cleanliness. Do your best to be cordial and plan where you will move once the lease is up.
A year passes. Get ready for the next one. Don’t forget to breathe!
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative aimed at helping people access and achieve their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
