Dear Eric:I am a baby boomer working in an office environment.
When new people are hired, they often come from different backgrounds and have names I’ve never heard. When they’re introduced, I don’t know their name or remember how to pronounce it.
As a first-generation immigrant, my last name is also different. Whenever I meet people for the first time, I pronounce it slowly and often spell it out and then pronounce it again so it is understandable.
Why do people assume that others will understand their unusual names and make no attempt to clarify them further?
Any suggestions on how to politely ask them to do something similar to what I’m trying to do?
– Name games
Dear name:Names that people consider unusual are often not so unusual to them. And who’s to say what the person they meet knows.
When you don’t understand someone’s last name, ask them to help you. “I want to make sure I pronounced your name correctly. Can you spell it for me?”
You take the extra step of clarifying your name for people; others may not feel compelled to do the same because it may make them feel, well, unusual.
Dear Eric: My grandchildren, ages 10 and 14, haven’t been to the dentist since well before COVID.
I brought the subject up with their mother and she agreed that they should see a dentist, but that didn’t happen.
Their mother and father have excellent teeth and the children have inherited them, but I worry about them.
I have a great relationship with my daughter and try not to interfere in her parenting activities. I offered to take them to the dentist myself, but she refused.
The youngest comes to my house before school every day to brush her teeth at least once a day. Should I keep quiet and let the children suffer the consequences?
– Worried grandmother
Dear Grandma:Make one last direct request to your daughter and let her do it.
Tell him that you have major concerns and ask if there is anything that is bothering you that you can help him with.
You can argue your case if you want: The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommends a checkup every six months. It also points out that a pediatric dentist can tailor the frequency of visits based on a child’s specific needs. Your daughter can’t know what those needs are without consulting a professional.
Take advantage of your great relationship by pushing a little harder, but if she resists, tell her you’re going to drop the subject. Then drop the subject for good.
To unnecessarily butcher an old adage: You can get a person to buy dental insurance, but you can’t force them to floss.
Dear Eric:I’m in my early twenties and just ended a five year relationship with my boyfriend. I’m very undecided about whether to move back to the state I grew up in or stay where I am for another year.
I work remotely for a company based there and may be able to work in person after I move. All my close friends and family are back there.
The only reason I moved to where I am now is because of my ex – but there’s something stopping me from packing my bags and leaving.
Part of it is that I currently live on the coast. I love the water and the greenery. The lifestyle, although more expensive than back home, suits me perfectly.
I have also worked really hard over the last two years to build a life for myself. I am actively involved in the local community and have new friends, but I also really miss my friends and family.
Do you have any advice for choosing between two places?
– Two houses
Dear homes: I felt the need to choose between my hometown and my new home. In fact, my latest book of essays, “Congratulations, the Best is Over!”, followed the journey of returning home after decades of absence.
Here’s what I learned: When you move to a new place and start your life over, you change a lot, you learn a lot about yourself, and you become more comfortable in your own skin.
If you decide to go home, you’ll take all this new knowledge with you. It might be the perfect time to start over.
Go home and visit it with the intention of moving. Really pay attention to how it would feel to be a new person in that old, welcoming space. You may find that you have outgrown your original home and the longing you feel is just nostalgia. But for now, listen to that longing and see what lies beneath.
Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
