UoB flatmate horror stories that will make you wish you still lived at home
Commuting looks more appealing every day
One of the most exciting but also nerve-racking things when you start university is living with complete strangers. There’s a 50/50 chance of either being best friends with, or absolutely despising your new flatmates.
If you’re fortunate enough to be blessed with clean, friendly flatmates then lucky you, as I assure you there are others out there who are questioning their current life choices.
Don’t let this put you off though, as most people would say they thoroughly enjoyed living with new people despite the problems you could encounter. However, prepare yourself, as communal living can be one of the grossest experiences of your life. You begin to question people’s hygiene, standards and even their morals, all from whether they do their dishes or help clean the flat.
Here is a list of the worst flatmate horror stories from UoB students.
Anonymous, fourth year
“My flatmate embodied a medieval aged cowboy in his dress sense; he wore cowboy boots everywhere! The clip clopping of his boots EVERYDAY and ALL HOURS was rather irritating.”
“The same guy flushed his plastic toilet rim block, thinking it went down there. Obviously, it blocked the toilet, but then this guy went to the loo on top of it. Instead of admitting to this, he took one of our baking bowls out of the kitchen to scoop his actual faeces into it. He carried it through our house and threw it into the garden. We had his shit in our garden for the entire year.”
“Just to top it off, he also insisted on hand-grinding coffee beans every morning.”
Alex, second year
“My flatmates thought they were interior designers. They were clearly very talented because of course the best place for the sofa is on your kitchen island!”
Mantis, third year
“One day she brought her laundry basket down and left it in front of the washing machine. At the top of the basket she left a pair of underwear with a solid streak of faeces on it. I’m not talking a stain, I’m talking a deadass smear.”
“My flatmate left a festering lump of matted hair, all gooey and grim from the products, on the bottom of the shower basin.”
“She also took her contact lenses out in the shower, and they would stick to the floor of the shower. On more than one occasion I found a contact lens IN MY BED where it had stuck to the bottom of my foot. After she moved out, we had to vacuum her room and behind her bedside table we found her disgusting little stash of contact lenses where she had dropped them behind it.”
“She made the entire house of more than five people turn off all their Wi-Fi connected devices whilst she did an exam in the kitchen during Covid. So, we were all trapped in our rooms with no internet for three hours.”
Molly, second year
“To begin with, my flatmate threw a party in our flat that we weren’t invited to. I woke up the next morning to find an unidentified goop on the ceiling and walls. We later found out through someone’s Instagram story that she was playing real life Fruit Ninja with OUR fruit.”
George, second year
“After a night out, one of my house brought a feral cat back with him. It lived with us for a couple of days. In that time it shit in the hallway, pissed in my bathroom, scratched the sofa and got fleas in my bed.”
Anonymous, second year
“A girl in my flat threw a birthday party for herself three weeks early on my actual birthday. She then kicked me out of the flat and made me spend my birthday in the corridor.”
“She also called me weak and sent me threatening messages when we asked her to keep the noise down as we had placements at 5am.”
Millie, second year
“My flatmate had a side hustle of selling feet pics in our flat.”
Nick, second year
“One guy came back from a night out, and I heard him pissing and throwing up on my door.”
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