DEAR ABBY: I have warm memories of Christmas from my childhood. I only started to hate it when I married my second husband.
My parents got older and we celebrated their last Christmas together. After their run, I really didn’t like the season and all the bullshit that came with it.
I tried to love it the last few years and did all the holiday things. I sent cards, baked cookies, decorated, bought gifts, and even went to church.
Last Christmas Eve, I just “broke down”. I couldn’t take it anymore. I took down most of the decorations because I couldn’t look at them anymore.
I’m not well and my boyfriend is sick from time to time. He loves Christmas, so I’ll put some things back for him, not for me.
Why don’t I like Christmas? It’s so painful. Maybe you can help me understand my feelings.
—Scrooge in Indiana
DEAR SCROOGE: Your change in attitude may have been caused by two things. The first would be that, in your mind, Christmas is linked to the loss of your parents and a chapter in your life that is now closed.
The other might have been caused by the incessant hype and merchandising around Christmas that starts right after Halloween.
Maybe it’s time to take a step back and ask your boyfriend to help you by celebrating the MEANING of Christmas, rather than the trappings. Helping someone – or a family – less fortunate comes to mind.
DEAR ABBY: I had a five-year relationship with a man. We broke up because he was unfaithful.
Even though I am willing to forgive and still have feelings for him, my children do not like this man and do not want me to reconnect with him. My children say that if I do this, they no longer want to have a relationship with me.
Their ultimatum doesn’t seem fair. I’m afraid I won’t fall in love again and I don’t want to be alone later in life.
Should I respect my children’s wishes and forgo a relationship with him, or should I seek outside advice and guidance to see if we can try to form a family, as we had originally planned? I truly feel he is the love of my life.
Nobody is perfect. I’m willing to give it another chance, but I want my kids to accept it. I don’t know how or if they ever will. What should I do?
— HANGING TOWARDS HER IN TEXAS
DEAR THOUGHT: Fear is the absolute worse reason for a couple to get together.
Your relationship didn’t work because he is a cheater. What makes you think this time would be different? There are worse things than being old and alone. There is no guarantee that you won’t meet someone and fall in love.
Your children don’t like this man for a reason. You ask if you should seek outside advice and guidance. As the first person you asked, I’m all for it. Your doctor can refer you to a qualified person.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
