Why I quit dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge

In April, I made a decision: I deleted Hinge. It was the last of the dating apps left on my phone.

In addition to Hinge, I’ve tried Tinder, Bumble, The League and JDate and have spent likely hundreds of hours scouring them in hopes of finding that coveted long-term relationship.

But I’m still single. And I’m so tired.

What at first seemed like a fun, low stakes way to engage with the wild world of dating, turned into a frustrating and soul-sucking chore.

After five fruitless years, I’ll only be dating in the real world from now on.

I’ve had a 4% success rate

‘Like hitting a slot machine’

You can’t hurry love

At 36, I’m trying to be more intentional about how I spend my time. There’s evidence this kind of attitude improves wellbeing. And the more intentional I get, the less patience I have for the optional activities that make me pretty miserable, including online dating. They’re just not worth it.

It’s been five months since I deleted the last of the dating apps on my phone.

Now, instead of swiping and chatting with guys whose vibes I can’t gauge and meeting up only to force conversation, I’m catching up with my grandma or reading plays or seeing stand up with friends (“Just For Us” was so good).

Life is not without its regular frustrations (I got Covid a few weeks ago, for instance). But it is devoid of the drudgery of scrolling through random profiles and sending meaningless texts and filled, instead, with activities and people I love.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m scared of not ever meeting someone as a result of this move.

Uncertainty is an anxiety generator, Russell Ramsay, professor of clinical psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, told me once. And a life without a constant stream of “options” is nothing if not uncertain.

But I’m also putting myself in more situations where I’m guaranteed to meet people. I’ve joined a writing group and taken screenwriting and acting classes this year.

I’ve created the space for more in my life.

Regardless of whether or not these experiences put me in front of the man of my dreams, I’m getting inspired and finding joy and fulfillment in ways I didn’t realized I’d missed.

Check out:

‘Work is the most important way of proving your worth,’ and it’s making Americans miserable: professor

Harvard professor: 5 activities can increase your happiness fast, and they’re free

Would Netflix’s ‘Love Is Blind’ work in real life? Here’s what a dating expert and psychologist say

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